车流匆匆，行人匆匆，霓虹闪闪，灵光闪闪。
The traffic is in a hurry, the pedestrians are in a hurry, the neon is shining, the spirit is shining.
我在深夜的餐桌前举杯，玻璃相碰，人语沸腾，我却觉得荒唐又孤单。
I raise my glass in front of the dinner table in the middle of the night and my voice boils, but I feel absurd and lonely.
我在沉沉的雨点里背着沉沉的画夹疾走，我在暧昧的晚昏里目睹模型渲染成金色，我在老师飘出嘴里的一声声否定里找到自己——啊，一个没有创意，不懂设计，扶不上墙的菜鸡大学生。
I was carrying the heavy picture clip in the heavy rain, I saw the model in the ambiguous night faint to render gold, I found myself in the teacher's voice of negation - ah, a vegetable chicken college student who had no idea, did not understand design, could not support the wall.
我懒。瘫在椅子上，我刷着手机，惨白的屏幕的光，惨白光下我惨白的脸。
I am lazy. Slumped in the chair, I brush my mobile phone, the light of the pale screen, my pale face under the pale light.
我暴饮暴食。眼睁睁看着自己肿胀起来，仿佛这皮裹着肉都不是我的一样。我永远填不满我的食欲，是大脑在饿，是心脏在饿，每一次心跳，都像是空洞的回响。
I overeat. I watched myself swell, as if I didn't have the skin covered with meat. I always fill my appetite, is the brain in hunger, is the heart in hunger, every heartbeat, like a hollow echo.
我生病了。身上渗出了红点脓包，为之我错过了考试。
I'm sick. I missed the exam because of red spots and pus oozing from my body.
我总是想着，以后会好，可是没有，这个学期我一直在走下坡路。
I always think that it will be better in the future, but no, this semester I have been going downhill.
我想出柜，我想学好设计，我想好好画画，我想成为一个被尊敬的人，我想做太多太多的事情。然而呢？
I want to come out, I want to learn design well, I want to draw well, I want to be a respected person, I want to do too many things. But what?
我像是淤泥逐渐臭了起来，我的灵魂似乎又落入朽烂的深渊。我的肉体越来越难看，我看着这变形的身体，竟然还能在想下一顿该吃什么。
I smell like mud, and my soul seems to fall into the abyss of decay. My body is becoming more and more ugly. I look at this deformed body and wonder what to eat next.
我走在路上都在吃。
I eat all the way.
我只要路过任何一家可以买食物的店，我就被控制一般走进去买随便一包什么吃的， 像是填塞机器燃油一样填塞进我的嘴里——这个无情的黑洞，味蕾上的刺激已经很淡了，我感觉不出来食物的美好和幸福——我只是单纯地机械地重复咀嚼吞咽而已。
As long as I pass by any store where I can buy food, I'm controlled to go in and buy any package of food. It's like stuffing machine fuel into my mouth - this merciless black hole, the stimulation on the taste buds is very weak, I can't feel the beauty and happiness of food - I just chew and swallow it mechanically.
只要谁在朋友圈发了一条今天又吃了什么，我的疯狂的食欲就开始暴涨，我魔怔一般想要吃同款，如果吃不到，我就感觉愿望落空一般难挨，仿佛这个食物真的是我此生最爱一样。
As long as anyone in the circle of friends sends a message about what I eat today, my crazy appetite starts to soar. I want to eat the same type of food. If I can't eat it, I feel it's hard to bear, as if the food is really my favorite in my life.
我觉得，碳水化合物就是我的可卡因。
I think carbohydrates are my cocaine.
已经没有异性搭讪我了，不过无所谓，我本来就不喜欢。真正让我难过的是，我在那些漂亮，纤细，精致的女孩子面前完全失掉了自信的能力，我不敢看她们的眼睛，我知道我内心又在蜷曲下跪。
No one from the opposite sex has accosted me, but it doesn't matter. I don't like it at all. What really makes me sad is that I lost my self-confidence completely in front of those beautiful, delicate and delicate girls. I dare not look into their eyes. I know that I kneel in my heart again.
我太差了，什么都学不会，和开学那个跃跃欲试的我，宛如两个人。
I am so poor that I can't learn anything. I am like two people who are eager to try.
我的脸上平白无故冒出很多痘瘢，每一颗都像是我悬着的耻辱。
There are many spots on my face without any reason, and each one is like the shame I am hanging.
我的社交手段看上去那么尴尬，那么庸俗，可是我已经失去了选择的权力。
My social skills seem so awkward and vulgar, but I have lost the right to choose.
但是，以上的种种负面情绪，我不会跟任何人讲一丝一毫。在他们面前呢，我到底还算个人样，勉强支棱起一束枯皮囊。甚至乎在学弟学妹面前，我还是个苦情的光辉形象，高考考砸了，也能来这所末流985，好像还算体面的样子。
However, I will not tell anyone anything about the above negative emotions. In front of them, I am still a human being. I can barely prop up a bunch of dry skin bags. Even in front of my younger brother and younger sister, I am still a glorious image of bitterness. I failed in the college entrance examination and could come to the last 985 as if it were decent.
我与他们讲了我的负面情绪又怎么样呢？他们会理解么？理解了又怎么样呢？我现在终于是想通了，“人的悲喜并不相通”，大家都很忙，都是越来越像个成年人了——只有我，仿佛还对我早就该过去的童年啦，叛逆的青春期啦，黏黏糊糊地恋恋不舍。
What if I told them about my negative emotions? Will they understand? How about understanding it? Now I finally come to the conclusion that "people's joys and sorrows are not the same". Everyone is very busy, and they are more and more like adults - only me, who seems to be reluctant to part with my childhood, rebellious adolescence, which is long overdue.
上了大学我再也没交到真心朋友，不过大家不都这样吗？进了学生会啦社联啦建协啦，结果发现只是朋友圈联系人猛增，该不熟的还是不熟，我好像很缺乏与别人建立深度联系的能力。
After college, I never made true friends again, but don't we all? I joined the student union, the social Federation and the Construction Association. It turns out that only the number of contacts in the circle of friends has increased dramatically. What I should not be familiar with is still unfamiliar. I seem to lack the ability to establish deep contact with others.
上海冬至夜下雨了，今天凌晨的我，还在病床前蜷缩我的脊背敲击着键盘，听窗户外面遥遥的雨声仿佛上天馈赠的乐曲。
It rained on the winter solstice night in Shanghai. In the early morning of this morning, I was still curling up in front of the hospital bed, typing on my back, listening to the rain outside the window as if it were music from heaven.
上海的冬天不冷。
Winter in Shanghai is not cold.
这里连雪也没有。
There is not even snow here.
我想家了。
I feel homesick.